mom isn't calling anymore

My mom is one of my best friends. When i went away to college i missed her and the rest of my family a lot, but got to spend summers and christmas and sometimes if we could afford the tickets, easter break with them. it was plenty of time at home, especially since i loved college. i got married after my junior year and got pregnant right away, had my son 6 wks before my graduation, and by december of that year we were moving back to ca. we had fallen on the proverbial hard times and some family friends offered us jobs in LA. for a year and a half we lived only two and a half hours from my family, and we went to visit them at least one weekend a month. having them close helped me deal with the fact that i pretty much disliked my job and missed my son dreadfully while he was in daycare. But you have to do what you have to do, and sometimes moms who want to stay home have to work. my mom did my whole life, even though she will tell you that all she wanted when she was 21 and getting married was to have some kids and be with them.



anyway, since we moved away away, and i only get to see her once or twice a year, she calls me in the morning on her way to work. it was only 20 min or so, but i always really enjoyed it. of course, i can't always talk, but most of the time i can. she always calls me, because she listens to a radio program for some of her trip and inevitably has some other business to conduct and then she calls me when she can talk. well, for the last several months i have joked with myself that this is the only time she can fit me in. she only calls when she is on her way to work and occasionally when on her way somewhere else. lately, though she can't even work me in when she is in the car. she calls when she gets to work and has 5 mins before she has to sign in. or she calls me on her break to say hi. she now spends her journey to work talking to my sister, who lives in town, or her sister, who also lives in town, or her boss, who is her friend, who she sees everyday and every weekend for group walks (they did a marathon earlier this year) i know its ridiculous for me to feel bad about this, but i do. this is the only time she gives me. if i call her on the weekend she doesn't have time to talk to me. its always 'let me call you monday morning' but inevitably monday morning she either doesn't call, or calls for 5 seconds. the upshot of all this is that i don't get to talk to her and i miss her and i dont get to tell her all the things i want about the kids and she ends up telling me me her stories 3 months after the fact.

the worst part is that if i dont answer the phone she starts to freak out and calls me every 5 min, then calls dh to make sure everything is okay. so she doesn't call when she says she will, but if i call her i am interrupting, and if i don't pick up, it must be because i am dead. dh thinks its time for me to have an adult relationship with my mom-by that he means only talk to her every couple of weeks-that just might be in the works.